Emily Ladau:
Hi, I’m Emily Ladau.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And I’m Kyle Khachadurian.
Emily Ladau:
You’re listening to another episode of The Accessible Stall.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Coming to you live from Emily’s apartment, even though we’re not both in the same room. But this is the first time I’m seeing it in the background.
Emily Ladau:
Is that real?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes.
Emily Ladau:
You haven’t seen… Well, I’m often still on Long Island, but… Wait, you haven’t-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Every-
Emily Ladau:
… seen the apartment behind me?
Kyle Khachadurian:
No. Every single episode we’ve done since you’ve moved, which has been a handful, you’ve been on Long Island.
Emily Ladau:
This is my apartment. A sad thing happened that I’m going to tell everybody about, which is a picture fell off the wall while-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Nice.
Emily Ladau:
… I was traveling.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I honestly thought that that was a… I didn’t know that was a wall art thing. I thought that was a choice you made. I was trying to figure out what it was.
Emily Ladau:
I often make a choice about where to put my art, and it’s usually-
Kyle Khachadurian:
How did you hang those up?
Emily Ladau:
With the stuff that’s not supposed to damage the wall.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, I mean, literally how did you hang those up.
Emily Ladau:
You think I did that?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes. No, okay. Well, that answers my question. Because I was like, “I need to know.” I-
Emily Ladau:
That’s just for clarity. What Kyle is seeing behind me is a wall and it has a couch. And then there’s absolutely no way that I would’ve been able to reach that, so a lovely friend of mine actually did the hanging for me.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Excellent.
Emily Ladau:
And unfortunately, one has now fallen, but I am too disabled to fix it, so it lives there now.
Kyle Khachadurian:
There’s boxes in front of our TV that is designated living room wall art for when Courtney’s dad comes next week. We’re going to use him to hang up some wall art.
Emily Ladau:
Aren’t able-bodied people who are also tall really great?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes. I mean, every disabled person needs to keep an arsenal of them in their back pocket. Ain’t that right?
Emily Ladau:
That is right. Also, if you hear dog noises, why do we hear dog noises, Kyle?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I’m babysitting my future mother-in-law’s dog, and he is a chocolate chihuahua and weighs about five pounds. He is-
Emily Ladau:
I don’t really like Chihuahuas, but he’s cute.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, this one’s different.
Emily Ladau:
He’s super cute.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, he’s very chill.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, if you hear dog noises and/or if I sound different, it’s because Kyle has a dog behind him and my apartment is kind of echoey, actually. Wait, didn’t you get software to fix the echoes?
Kyle Khachadurian:
For this exact purpose.
Emily Ladau:
This exact purpose. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Okay, have we said anything useful? Probably not.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No. What are we going to talk about today? And also, if you can, please support the show on Patreon, at patreon.com/theaccessiblestall. Ready? Go. What are we going to talk about today, Emily?
Emily Ladau:
Wait, that’s when you plug our Patreon, after we’ve said nothing useful for three minutes?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Well, I mean, we usually plug it at the end when people are well past being done listening, so I just thought I’d try to switch it up.
Emily Ladau:
Well, if you’re still here just a few minutes into the episode and we haven’t completely lost you with our conversation about dogs and apartments, then we would love your support because just $1 a month ensures that every episode of The Accessible Stall is what?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Accessible. Woo
Emily Ladau:
Woo. Okay, clearly, we’re just, at this point, a little weird and wacky. Also, you know what’s great? I am going to tell you what we’re going to talk about today, but I also think we need to discuss the fact that now that you are back on the beast coast, East Coast, beast coast, that we now get to see each other with some regularity and-
Kyle Khachadurian:
It’s funny, I was thinking, I’m like, “Wow, we haven’t podcasted in a while,” and it’s because we’ve seen each other like three times.
Emily Ladau:
So I just wanted to say that, because if you’re wondering where we are, we’re living our lives, and I’m sorry about it. I mean, I’m not sorry about it. I’m sorry if you miss us, but I’m not sorry.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. But we committed to doing it more regularly now that we’re… And I think we have been. We’ve just been doing it once a month instead of twice a month, which is definitely more regularly than we were doing when I was on the West Coast.
Emily Ladau:
Once a month is okay though. I mean, I don’t know about you all who are listening to us, but I feel like I’d be sick of me if I heard me too much, so… [inaudible 00:04:52].
Kyle Khachadurian:
I’m never sick of you, for what it’s worth.
Emily Ladau:
I love you so much.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I love you too.
Emily Ladau:
Okay, anyway. You know what? I’m going to turn it back around on you. What are we going to talk about today, Kyle? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Kyle Khachadurian:
We were going to yell about airports.
Emily Ladau:
Gosh, that’s right. Okay. See, I was in a really good mood when we were just having that love fest, and now I’m grumpy again. So yeah, let’s yell about airports because I don’t like them and I’ve been doing just a bit of traveling lately and I’ve had some nightmares which you have not yet heard about. So is this Emily is mad? Is this story time? Is this yelling about airports? All of the above?
Kyle Khachadurian:
We have two miniseries. We have Emily is mad, we have story time. There might be room for a third.
Emily Ladau:
Old man yells at [inaudible 00:05:45], Emily yells at airport.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s going to be good for the graphic. Okay, tell us your airport woes.
Emily Ladau:
Okay, so let’s see. Airports are bad and I hate them. Did we already talk about how my wheelchair was broken by Alaska Airlines last year? I can’t remember.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I don’t think so, but it was?
Emily Ladau:
My wheelchair was broken by Alaska Airlines last year. In December, I took a trip to Oregon and… Did I say that right? Is it Oregon or Oregon?
Kyle Khachadurian:
It’s Oregon. I say Oregon. I know I used to live above there, but I just… I don’t know. I don’t actually know.
Emily Ladau:
It doesn’t count. It doesn’t count. You’re back here now, which is important. Okay, moving on. So yes, Alaska Airlines broke my wheelchair whilst a film crew was following me.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s perfect.
Emily Ladau:
Yes. So-
Kyle Khachadurian:
I mean, it’s horrible, but you couldn’t make that up. That’s beautiful.
Emily Ladau:
It was truly really terrible and great. So I think I’ve just kind of shut down on the emotion from that, so I don’t really have that stored up.
But what I do have stored up is the trip that I took last week. And let me tell you. So every-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Where’d you go?
Emily Ladau:
I went to Indiana. Yes, yes, I did. It was my first time traveling via airplane with my boyfriend, because I guess now I can talk about him a little bit more publicly, at least insofar as to say that he exists. So we were traveling together. On the way there, I would say it went mostly as swimmingly as it can possibly go for air travel. And I have a general rule, which is that if one leg of the trip goes well, the other one is going to be a disaster. I don’t know. Does this happen to you?
Kyle Khachadurian:
It has. One time, I was visiting my partner’s family, and the six hour flight from Seattle to D.C. was very good. The one hour flight from D.C. to Richmond took six hours because the plane was broken. So I sat in the airport for five hours and then they got a different plane, and then we flew. So yeah, I-
Emily Ladau:
Beautiful.
Kyle Khachadurian:
… totally agree with that statement.
Emily Ladau:
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Love air travel so much. So on our trip back from Indiana, we were in the airport. I go to the bathroom because I always try to go to the bathroom as many times as possible before I actually get on a plane so that I don’t go on the plane.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Hashtag little disabled things.
Emily Ladau:
Is that a hashtag? Because it should be.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. I don’t know.
Emily Ladau:
So then I get out of the bathroom, and my boyfriend was like, “You know the flight’s already delayed an hour.” And I was like, “Great. This is so good.”
So we’re just sitting, and then my mom texts me and she’s like, “By the way, starting around nine o’clock, there’s supposed to be really, really bad weather in New York.” Horrifyingly bad weather. And I was like, “Okay, that’s fine. We haven’t been delayed enough yet that it’s going to really be an issue.” And then we’re delayed another 15 or 20 minutes.
We finally get on the plane and we’re flying and we’re flying. And it’s like a puddle jumper. It’s a real small plane. There’s no wifi, there’s no TV screens. No idea where we are. It’s pitch black, there’s lightning in the sky. Like the airplane version of Gilligan’s Island.
And finally, we’ve been up there a while, and the pilot gets on the speaker and he’s like, “Well, folks, we are nowhere near where we need to land at JFK. We are actually somewhere near Massachusetts and we’re about to run out of gas, so we’re going to land.” And I was like, “Okay.”
Kyle Khachadurian:
He could have left that part out. He could have kept that to himself. He could’ve just said, “We need to land because of the weather.” You tell me the plane’s out of gas and I’m finding those parachutes, man. That’s not even-
Emily Ladau:
I’m not even sure that he exactly said it like that, but he was like, “They keep trying to divert us from JFK because of the weather, and so we’ve been flying in circles. And they told us to keep flying, but we can’t because the gas is running out, so we need to fuel up.” And I was like, “Oh my God, thank you so much for not letting us fall out of the sky. I really appreciate it.”
We get to the airport, which… Woo. Hello. Hello. We have a dog here. A sassy dog too.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, he’s very sassy.
Emily Ladau:
What’s your opinion on airports?
Kyle Khachadurian:
My opinion?
Emily Ladau:
No, the dog.
Kyle Khachadurian:
His opinion? I don’t know. Have you flown before yet? Have you flown yet? No? You just want to play? We can’t play right now.
Emily Ladau:
Anyway, you know what? It’s live. It’s all happening right now. We’re just going to have a dog on this episode.
Kyle Khachadurian:
He’s doing this thing. He comes to me to pick him up, and then I reach out to get him, and then he’s like, “No, don’t pick me up,” but he loves to be picked up. He just doesn’t like the action of being picked up. Once he’s in your arms, he’s like, “I live here now.”
Emily Ladau:
What a little prince.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes.
Emily Ladau:
What a little prince. It’s okay. Hopefully you’re dog lovers. If not, I would just turn this episode off and also maybe stop listening to us, because I don’t really understand why you don’t like dogs. But anyway. No, that’s not fair, because some people have legitimate reasons to not like dogs.
Hi. Hello. Kyle’s holding him now. Wow, is anybody still listening to this episode? Because I don’t even know what’s happening. So-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Anyway, airports are the worst.
Emily Ladau:
But here’s what happened. So instead of running out of gas and falling out of the sky, we landed in Boston instead of New York.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I’m so sorry to hear that.
Emily Ladau:
So then, because the Federal Aviation Administration or whatever has such garbage rules, they were like, “Well, now you’ve all been on the airplane for too long, so everybody needs to get off the airplane. And no one is allowed to land in JFK right now, so you can’t just sit here. Y’all got to get out.”
We got out of the airplane. It was, at this point, about midnight or so, and I was like, “I would really like my wheelchair. Can you get it in the cargo hold? I need to use the bathroom. I don’t know how long we’re going to be here.” And they were like, “No, sorry. It’s behind luggage and we don’t feel like getting it. So you can just use this airport wheelchair.” And it wasn’t even one of the ones that was a hospital wheelchair where you can at least push yourself in it. It was very much one of those rigid frame ones that somebody else has to push for you and you have absolutely no autonomy.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Is it the ones that when you ask for wheelchair assistance, it’s like the wheels aren’t on the side, it’s kind of like a one seat stroller type?
Emily Ladau:
Yes.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
Exactly that. Those are perhaps my biggest pet peeve in the entire universe because it takes away any and all control that I have over my own body.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Plus, you have to… Yeah, and then the other person has to… You’re not wasting their time, but they have to be there too for everything you do. So it’s like you have no control and now you’ve taken their control because they have to help you. It’s just a mess.
Emily Ladau:
So I really needed to use the restroom and they were refusing to give me my own wheelchair. So my boyfriend and I had to figure out how I was going to use the restroom in this wheelchair that I cannot operate myself. And my mother, bless her, had the idea of us going into a family bathroom, which I was not thinking at that point. I was just like, “Have to pee, have to pee. Emergency.” This is real. This is really happening. And my mom was like, “Find a family restroom and then he can help you.” So mind you, this was our first trip together.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I was going to ask you, not to pry in your personal business, but are you guys on that level of personal care?
Emily Ladau:
Yes, we are.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Okay, okay. All right, so at least there’s that.
Emily Ladau:
Yes, which is great. We already had that established. [inaudible 00:15:04]-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Good.
Emily Ladau:
… travel. But still, it’s like my usual mode of function is that I do transfer on and off toilets by myself. And I recognize that that’s not everybody’s mode of function, and that’s totally cool, but I am used to having that particular level of autonomy over my own body. And suddenly I have to be instructing him how to move the wheelchair so I can transfer and hold it and put it this way and hold me here and do this, yeah, it was a really intense crash course in, “Okay, this is what life is like with me, and this is what traveling is like.”
Kyle Khachadurian:
Did he love it?
Emily Ladau:
He was fine. He just rolled with it.
Kyle Khachadurian:
There you go. Good guy.
Emily Ladau:
I mean, he’s great. This is not really a story about him. He’s kind of just there.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, I’m just curious because I could imagine a scenario, and I’m not speaking specifically about any person, but you’re okay with the parts of disability you can see, but then when you see what it could be, like when it gets hard, I can imagine some people would be… I mean, I don’t agree with that, obviously, but I can imagine some people would not be as cool.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, I mean-
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s good.
Emily Ladau:
… this is a story about airports. I guess it’s also a story about the fact that disability is not always pretty and it’s not always easy, and sometimes it’s a gosh darn hassle. I’m not saying that disabled people are hassles. I’m saying that the world makes it difficult for us.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I would honestly probably say that airports are the least accessible places by design. And airplanes. But-
Emily Ladau:
Absolutely.
Kyle Khachadurian:
There’s no contest.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah. Awful. I’ll finish my story, but then I want to hear about your airport experiences.
So anyway, long story short, I did manage to go to the bathroom. And then, of course, they’re hustling us back onto the plane. And we were able to land at JFK. We landed probably around 1:30 or 2:00 in the morning. And at this point, my airport ride that I had scheduled, canceled. So I’m like, “How do I get back to my apartment?” And no accessible Ubers available, no accessible cabs available via the app, so I just think it’s complete nonsense that they say that they’re available via the app, because they are not available via the app when you need them. But anyway, there’s a taxi stand, and by some miracle-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Good.
Emily Ladau:
… an accessible cab rolls up and-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Good.
Emily Ladau:
… it takes me. It’s pouring raining outside. I also forgot… To back up for a second. Yay for accessible cabs, but also, my wheelchair, when it was finally returned to me, the joystick was bent and they had just left it on the tarmac, sitting in the rain so that it was soaked through-
Kyle Khachadurian:
What the hell?
Emily Ladau:
Yeah.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s not even… That’s just laziness. That’s just-
Emily Ladau:
Put a bag over it. Put plastic over it. Worse than damaging a piece of it is if you let it get that wet, it can short out and stop working. It’s battery operated.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, that’s ignorance. That’s stupid. Shame on them. That’s-
Emily Ladau:
And then they finally get the wheelchair and they’re sitting there, trying to put a plastic bag over it so that I can sit on it without getting my butt wet, and I was like-
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s good.
Emily Ladau:
… “Doing it now? Now-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Now that it’s soaked through, now is the time to prevent that. Yeah. You wouldn’t want it to…
Emily Ladau:
Are you joking? Oh my gosh.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s ridiculous.
Emily Ladau:
So anyway, of course I tweeted about it. The airline called me and they were like, “Let me see what we can do about it,” and no phone call back.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, of course not.
Emily Ladau:
Putting American Airlines on blast. Hate you so much. Hate all airlines so much, but right now we’re mad at American. And long story short, I did get an accessible cab and I did get home at about three o’clock in the morning. That was cool and stuff, but I hate airports. I hate flying. I hate it so much. Thank you for coming to my [inaudible 00:19:48].
Kyle Khachadurian:
I hate flying. I don’t like it.
Emily Ladau:
Okay, so what’s your deal? What’s your story? How do you navigate airports?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I tell them the truth, which is that I can’t stand on long lines that are not moving. And what they interpret that to mean is that I get wheelchair service throughout the airport. And let me tell you something, at first when I first did that, I felt ashamed, I felt my internalized ableism because I didn’t like the way I looked, I thought I was taking that wheelchair away from someone else who needs it more. But I’m like, “No, actually, I super do need it.” But now I’m like, “Sign me up.” I tell all the airline rewards programs, because you’ve got to be a member of all of them because sometimes it’s not… I’m not loyal to one. So I’m like, “Yes, wheelchair, me, this guy.” That part is great. That part I get through. And I’m pre-checked. So I don’t even have to take off my shoes. That part’s great.
Emily Ladau:
Did you buy pre-check? Did you pay for it?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I did, but I got it reimbursed through my credit card. It was one of those-
Emily Ladau:
Me too. I also did, which I didn’t realize was a thing until I got the reimbursement on my credit card.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, that’s good.
Emily Ladau:
I think it’s an absolute racket though that you can pay to make your experience more accessible.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Don’t even… Yeah. I would not pay for it. I would actually rather suffer because I so disagree with the fact that that needs to be the way it is. And that’s not even… That’s well before I get into the fact that that’s just a thing that poor people who can barely scrape the money together to travel can afford to make their experiences better. I take so much issue with that, it’s not even funny. But if it’s given to me, I will take advantage of it.
My airport horror stories, actually, are more when I’m traveling with my partner than alone. Because when I’m alone, I don’t know, I somehow fall upwards into good luck at the airport. Like when I was in Atlanta, transferring, I asked where a fast food restaurant was, and then the man who I asked was the guy driving the luggage on that big golf cart thing and he asked me if I wanted a ride, and I did, so he gave it to me. I rode in that thing with him. It was incredible.
Emily Ladau:
I mean-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, it was so-
Emily Ladau:
Yeah. I do end up with good luck. Sometimes I get upgraded. I mean, on this particular nonsense flight home from Indiana, we were upgraded to first class, which means nothing on a [inaudible 00:22:32] other than that you get a bigger snack.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Can I ask you, do you prefer… I prefer big planes. I do not like small planes at all. I hate them. Are you a big plane person or a small plane person? Logically, I know there’s no difference, but-
Emily Ladau:
No, I mean, there kind of is, I feel like, because with the small planes, I mean, the amount of turbulence we felt, I usually am fine, but I was a little frightened. But I’ve always heard look at the flight attendant, and if the flight attendant looked chill, then you’re fine. And the flight attendant looked chill, so I was like, “All right, we’re fine.”
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s good advice.
Emily Ladau:
So lots of turbulence. But the big planes, I think I prefer the bigger planes mainly because in a real situation, they’re supposed to have an onboard aisle chair so that I can get to the bathroom. The small planes don’t have those.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Nice. They should have those. I get that it’s smaller, but there needs to be something. If it’s not that, there needs to be a way. That’s ridiculous.
Emily Ladau:
If it wasn’t-
Kyle Khachadurian:
You always teach me things about disability that… Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
If it wasn’t so mortifying, I would honestly just pee on the seat to teach them a lesson. But I mean, that’s not-
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, and-
Emily Ladau:
… teaching them a lesson, that’s just making me look bad.
Kyle Khachadurian:
My shenanigans come when I’m with my partner, because they always, they always check her cane for like a B-O-M-B. And it’s like, “What…” But I mean, normally I would say I get that you have to, but I actually really don’t. In the same way I super really don’t get when they check their own airport-issued wheelchairs that I did not bring in here that has the branding of the airport on it, that is only being pushed by employees of the airport. What kind of conspiracy do you think is going to happen?
Emily Ladau:
You’re probably in cahoots with all of them, Kyle.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. Well, they also… Because I look a little funny and I have a Middle Eastern last name, I get my hands swabbed all the time. I used to get randomly selected all the time, but that actually stopped happening for some reason, which I’m not complaining about. That’s great. But I always get my hands swabbed.
Emily Ladau:
I mean, even with TSA pre-check, I still need to do a basic pat down and they have to swab my hands. The problem is that there’s no consistency throughout how airlines and TSA actually handle the pre-check process. So even though I was pre-check at the airport in Indiana, they grabbed a mirror that she used to look under my wheelchair. She got a mirror on a stick and held it under my chair.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Otherwise, they win. We’ve done it. That’s the number one safety. I don’t want to say the T word, but that’s really… That’s going to be what fixes it, huh? The mirror on a stick.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But-
Emily Ladau:
And if we’ve now been flagged by the NSA and the TSA, take yourselves somewhere else.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Honestly, get your shit together. Yeah, I don’t like it. I don’t know-
Emily Ladau:
It’s security.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But I would mind it less if it wasn’t theatrical. If the security measures meant something, I would not care. But they don’t. How many times have you ever gotten something completely accidentally through TSA? Because I have. Sometimes they just forget to… A pair of nail clippers or something like that.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, I have a little… It’s a nail clipper multi-tool. It’s by no means a Swiss army knife. Not even a little bit.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, but that’s something that they should have taken from you, but they don’t because-
Emily Ladau:
It has a nail clipper, a tweezer thing. It has a tiny little scissor. And I need that scissor because I use it to open a medication. Yeah. I mean, so far, that has not been taken away from me, but I’d be really mad if it was. But then other times, they see I use a CPAP machine or they see my wheelchair battery charger, and they’ll take everything out of my very carefully packed suitcase, because-
Kyle Khachadurian:
I hate that.
Emily Ladau:
… you’ve never seen a wheelchair charger or a CPAP before in the entirety of their job as a TSA agent? Come on.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But it’s like don’t you think… If you work for the TSA, please DM us. Is there not in your big training manual or materials or whatever they are, don’t you have a chapter or a sentence about people who travel in power wheelchairs? Seriously. Because they all have big ass batteries. They need them. They can’t just leave those home. Yeah, it’s ridiculous.
Emily Ladau:
Guaranteed, it probably is only a sentence, if that.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Okay, but-
Emily Ladau:
Can someone leak us the TSA training manual?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, just for our own information.
Emily Ladau:
Really curious.
Kyle Khachadurian:
You step through the metal detector. You can’t do the naked X-ray thing, but they make me do it, so I always make sure I’m looking sharp that day. Yeah, it’s a nightmare. I really hate it.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah. I’m absolutely not a fan of traveling. I mean, but what disabled person is?
Kyle Khachadurian:
But I will say, just I know we’re talking about airports, but in comparison, Amtrak, when we traveled… I forget where we were going, but we were recently on a four hour Amtrak to somewhere. And-
Emily Ladau:
You and your fiance?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I know-
Emily Ladau:
You have to feed him.
Kyle Khachadurian:
… your life’s so hard. They asked her if she needed help. They guided her. A human guided her to the door of the train. She told them I actually was the one that needed a little more help, which wasn’t true, but she was being considerate. Then the person helped me, then they took us to the disabled seats, then they kicked other people out of the disabled seats. Then when we got to our destination, they drove us to the front of the station on another luggage cart. Apparently, I have a thing to get people to take me on those. But it was beyond any sort of requirement. They were so good. And if Amtrak wasn’t slow and awful, I would do it every single time.
Emily Ladau:
I love Amtrak because I don’t need to be separated from my wheelchair and because the Red Cap service is always super helpful and-
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s what you call them. That’s it.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, Red Caps. Yeah. I just think Amtrak is gold. And if it didn’t take so long to get cross-country, I’d probably just use Amtrak to go everywhere.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Me too. I always wanted to… If any of you have done this, let us know. I want to take a cross-country trip on Amtrak before I die.
Emily Ladau:
Man, same. Absolutely same. Do you know there used to be a… I don’t know if they’re still doing it or not, if it was a pandemic casualty, but there was a writer’s fellowship where-
Kyle Khachadurian:
[inaudible 00:30:04].
Emily Ladau:
… a lot of people write very well on trains. So Amtrak did a writing fellowship where you could apply and you would travel-
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s really-
Emily Ladau:
… on trains and you could work on your writing.
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s excellent. Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
So that always makes me happy. I think Amtrak is so fantastic. Amtrak, please sponsor our podcast. Thank you.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, we love you.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, I don’t really… I guess this is really more… Traveling when you’re disabled, we’ve talked about that before, but I don’t think we’ve ever really gotten into the nitty-gritty. But we make a point to say people with disabilities should be able to travel in their wheelchairs if they have them. And it’s like, “Yeah, but that would make a huge difference, but that’s just one thing on a laundry list of things that makes travel the worst when you have any kind of disability.” In the grand scheme of disability, I have a pretty mild one, and I hate traveling. It’s just the worst.
Emily Ladau:
It upends your routine. You’re not in a place where you are physically familiar with the environment. Also, I think it’s just a general strain on your mind and body because you’re moving in ways that you’re not used to and you’re functioning in ways that you’re not used to. And I don’t know about you, but I feel like I’m a little more on my guard physically.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Absolutely. You know what’s funny? I forgot what we were doing, but it was sometime in the past year that I’ve used an airplane bathroom for the first time in my life. And I remember while I was using it, I thought of you. That sounds so weird, but I was like-
Emily Ladau:
How [inaudible 00:32:02].
Kyle Khachadurian:
… “How the hell does Emily Ladau, or any human being, really…” Because even able people. I am a small man. I could barely shut the door behind me. I mean, when I say… I could barely turn around. It was unreal. I get they have to be small. I’m not complaining about the size. Well, I am, but not because it’s small. Yeah. Sorry, interrupt me, yeah. Do they have what?
Emily Ladau:
They have to be small because-
Kyle Khachadurian:
I get that they have to be small so they could fit more seats on, but here’s my nuclear take. I don’t actually think you need 300 million economy seats that make everyone so close together and miserable. I think you could just have a little bit fewer seats, increase the price of a ticket by a dollar, and then have a slightly larger bathroom.
Emily Ladau:
Because I pee on Amtrak no problem.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Well, they’re bigger. They’re larger.
Emily Ladau:
Also, again, you pay for accessibility because if you take the regular regional trains, they’re very small bathrooms and I have to really cram myself in there. If you take the Acela train, which is the fancier and slightly faster train, they have a full size accessible bathroom.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, they do. I love Acela. I never take it, but I do. It’s good.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah. I mean, but if I do take it, then I pay for the accessibility. But actually, I was just traveling with my mom on Amtrak and we had to sit separately because the way that Acela is set up, there’s only enough room for one wheelchair per accessible area. So-
Kyle Khachadurian:
That sucks.
Emily Ladau:
… on one hand, if we take the regional train, we can sit together because our wheelchairs can sit together, but that bathroom is not as big. Or we can pay for the fancier and slightly faster train, but we can’t sit together, but we can pee. And it’s just like these are ridiculous choices to have to make.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Which would you choose? I’m just genuinely curious, because those are two very big merits.
Emily Ladau:
The trip that I usually take is New York to D.C. and back, and so that’s short enough for me.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, you don’t need the Acela for that.
Emily Ladau:
I don’t need the bathroom, so I would rather sit with my mom, or if I’m traveling with someone else who’s a wheelchair user. So lesson learned for next time. But it was also nice because there was one time where I got fairly sick on the Amtrak, and being able to get into the bathroom without issue because I was on the Acela, was great. I mean, I wish I hadn’t gotten sick, but c’est la vie.
Kyle Khachadurian:
No, but, see, if you’re going to get sick, you want to be able to be sick in peace.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah. That was… Great is the wrong word. Useful?
Kyle Khachadurian:
It was useful.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, so that’s the story about how I hate airplanes and how I love trains and travel is the worst. Yeah, that’s where it’s at.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Really is. Airports will make you do the weirdest… $25 for a McDonald’s hamburger, anywhere else, it’s like, “Are you crazy?” In an airport, it’s like, “Whoa, what a bargain.”
Emily Ladau:
I also hate-
Kyle Khachadurian:
I-
Emily Ladau:
… being in airports.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I feel like airports, there’s something in the air in an airport that turns people into… I feel like whenever I’m in any airport, that I’m the only one that’s ever been in an airport, because everyone else is enamored by the big signs and don’t know where to go. It’s like I’m not making fun of anybody, I’m making fun of collective everybody. It’s…
Emily Ladau:
I have to laugh because-
Kyle Khachadurian:
It’s just a horrible experience.
Emily Ladau:
… usually I find airports to be awful, but they recently redid one of the terminals at LaGuardia, and-
Kyle Khachadurian:
Nice.
Emily Ladau:
… they have this water feature. It’s so ridiculous and just a waste of electricity, but it does a water and light show set to music. And to be quite honest with you, it was mesmerizing. What if the lights [inaudible 00:36:24]?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Next time you’re there, can I have a video of it?
Emily Ladau:
I have a video.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Courtney loves water features.
Emily Ladau:
I’ll get it for you.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Can you send it to me?
Emily Ladau:
Yeah.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Courtney loves… Any fountain, any manmade water feature is like-
Emily Ladau:
So do I. How did I not know this about her? Really?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Really?
Emily Ladau:
Yeah.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, really. That’s so cool.
Emily Ladau:
That’s awesome.
Kyle Khachadurian:
I’ll let her know and you guys can have a chat about it. I happen to think it’s silly, but every once in a while, I’ll find a cool one that I like, and I’m like, “Man, if I think it’s cool, she’s going to love it.” I found… Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
I’m kind of a nerd like that. I mean, when I went-
Kyle Khachadurian:
No. And-
Emily Ladau:
… to Indiana, there was a fountain, and I was like, “Wow, I love this fountain and I could stay here for a while.” And my boyfriend [inaudible 00:37:06].
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah, she’s a fountain woman. She loves fountains.
Emily Ladau:
Okay, well-
Kyle Khachadurian:
And-
Emily Ladau:
… what we’ve established is that she’s great, but we knew that already.
Kyle Khachadurian:
And if there’s ducks in it, forget about it. If there’s… Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
There was a single solitary duck in this fountain in Indiana, and I wanted to know where the ducky friends were.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Speaking of ducks-
Emily Ladau:
Sure.
Kyle Khachadurian:
… we were at a restaurant recently, that you’ve been to. Not with us, but you’ve been there. We were sitting outside and there was ducks in the street, and the ducks smelled the food and waddled their way to the outdoor dining area of this restaurant and were just hanging out. This has nothing to do with airports or travel, but-
Emily Ladau:
What restaurant was this?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I will tell you when we’re done.
Emily Ladau:
Okay.
Kyle Khachadurian:
But-
Emily Ladau:
Why, because it’s too close to where you live?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes, it is very close to where I live.
Emily Ladau:
Okay, I’m pretty sure I probably know where it is.
Kyle Khachadurian:
You know it. I promise you you know it.
Emily Ladau:
Because we’re keeping our locations very top secret. Like I am on the island of Manhattan, but where? Nobody knows. Yeah. So do you have final takeaways?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I know this was sort of just a us BS-ing episode, but honestly, every single time either one of us travels, we inevitably text each other with some story that if you weren’t us would swear it was made up. So I think we just decided we would talk about some of them, because it’s just not a good time… And I’m not… I don’t want you to hear this as us being grumpy. This is just what happens to us when we travel. It’s just-
Emily Ladau:
[inaudible 00:39:04].
Kyle Khachadurian:
It makes us… Well, me too. You ever feel like we’re entering our Statler and Waldorf arc sometimes?
Emily Ladau:
Oh boy. Yeah, I think so. I do think so. In fact, yeah, I think that is my alter ego.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah.
Emily Ladau:
Who’s Statler-
Kyle Khachadurian:
It’s okay.
Emily Ladau:
… and who’s Waldorf?
Kyle Khachadurian:
I actually have no idea which ones which.
Emily Ladau:
All right, let’s… I actually don’t either, because they’re just two generic old white Muppets. We’re going to get to the bottom of this. Tell us-
Kyle Khachadurian:
A generic old white Muppet is my new nickname for the president. And by the president, I mean all of them except for Obama, obviously.
Emily Ladau:
Do you want to know a word that I learned today?
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yes.
Emily Ladau:
Since we’re just shooting the you know what now, before we wrap this up. I had one day of my life today where I was able to stay in bed really late. That usually doesn’t happen for me anymore.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Good for you.
Emily Ladau:
So I just was laying around. And then I was scrolling through Twitter and then I learned the word hurkle-durkle.
Kyle Khachadurian:
What’s that? It sounds so cute.
Emily Ladau:
It’s a Scottish phrase for when you’re lounging in bed long past time to get up. You are hurkle-durkling. So I hope everybody has the opportunity to rest and hurkle-durkle. I think I’m just going to leave it there, because you know what?
Kyle Khachadurian:
That’s beautiful.
Emily Ladau:
Life is hard.
Kyle Khachadurian:
This has been another episode of The Accessible Stall. If you enjoyed it, thank you. You’re our people. And if you’re willing and able to support the show, you can do so at patreon.com/theaccessiblestall. We already talked about why at the beginning of the show, but yeah, if you’re able to, that would be lovely. It ensures that everything is accessible. And yeah, you look great today. Fantastic.
Emily Ladau:
You look so good while you’re hurkle-durkling over there. You just look [inaudible 00:40:56].
Kyle Khachadurian:
Hurkle-durkling.
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, while you’re hurkle-durkling. You look really good in those pajamas.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Heck yeah. What do you got to say, Mokie?
Emily Ladau:
Bye from the dog.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Yeah. He’s crying because I won’t let him pee on my floor.
Emily Ladau:
Well-
Kyle Khachadurian:
But-
Emily Ladau:
Yeah, I wouldn’t let him do that either.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Come here. Come here.
Emily Ladau:
But he’s cute. Look at that face.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Look at him. All right, goodnight, everybody.
Emily Ladau:
Thanks so much for listening. We love you.
Kyle Khachadurian:
Bye.
Emily Ladau:
Bye.